if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
