I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
