she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
