so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
