I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
