guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
