Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
