dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
