i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
