Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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