We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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