Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
