the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
