I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
