You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
