We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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