The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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