so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
