How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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