Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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