Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
