you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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