I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
