so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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