If that was your dad, he is hot
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
