Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
