Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
