Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
