Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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