my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
