I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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