I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Farmville is her only friend.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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