There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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