My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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