He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
