mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
