dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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