I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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