He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
