Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
