did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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