just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
