just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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