Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
