Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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