I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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