i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she told me i tasted like america
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
