I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
