I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
