Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
