Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
