so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
