um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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