wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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